


The Hands We’re Given

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Empath Ben Solo, Gen, Kylo Ren Backstory, Minor Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Throne Room Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 23:25:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19030084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Before Ben Solo was Kylo Ren, he was a young boy wanting to make the galaxy better...





	The Hands We’re Given

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Free Space — Cannon Fodder
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Title from the song “Land of Confusion” (I was listening to the Disturbed cover, which is epic). And if I got Rey and Kylo’s dialogue wrong, I apologize.

As far as Ben Solo knew, he felt like the whole galaxy was crammed inside his skull.   
  
He could hear just about everything across the galaxy. Thoughts, feelings, ideas, cravings and envies...just to name a few. As far as he knew, there was no one else in his family, even his Uncle Luke, who could sense anything that powerfully. Ben had heard it before, of course. Heard his parents talking about his “raw strength” and “danger” until he was all but sick of it. He didn’t want to be powerful or dangerous, after all. He just wanted to be Ben. Ben Solo. Was that too much to ask?   
  
_They’d never let you do that,_ the voice in his mind said. As far as Ben knew, that voice had been there for as long as he could remember. _They think you’re a freak. Takes a lot for a parent to think that about their own child, doesn’t it?_  
  
“I guess.” Ben wanted to argue, but he knew his parents’ thoughts too well.   
  
_But you’re no freak to me, Ben Solo. Never to me._  
  
At least there was that.   
  
***  
  
“So what’s it like?”  
  
Poe Dameron was the one to ask him that question even as they lay in the grass on Yavin IV, cloudwatching.   
  
“Well...it’s loud,” Ben said. He was fourteen now, and the voice had gone for the moment. He was also starting to notice Poe in ways that a best friend wouldn’t normally see their best friend. Details that made Ben’s heart flutter despite himself. Poe’s smile, Poe’s eyes, Poe’s laugh, Poe’s...everything, really. “It’s like a whole jumble of voices. Like a crowded room where everyone’s talking over each other.”  
  
“That’s too bad. I wish there was something I could do to help.”  
  
Ben smiled. “Unless there’s some sort of breakthrough...”  
  
“Still, I wish I could help you.”  
  
“You always help me, Poe Dameron,” Ben said. “Just by being there.”  
  
***  
  
It was when Ben got older that he started noticing things. Mostly about politics. Everything he had heard from his mother suggested that even the Senate was wearing on her, and there was nothing he could do from the Enclave on Yavin to help her.   
  
_Of course you can’t,_ the Voice said. It was back now, and Ben’s nightmares were increasing with it. _Order in the galaxy is never accomplished through traditional means. It’s always the...non-traditional means that get the job done...not bickering in the Senate._  
  
If Ben hadn’t become a Jedi, he likely would have become a Senator, just to do some good in the galaxy.   
  
And yet...  
  
Somehow, he wondered if being a Senator really would do any good. Or if there was something greater out there for him...  
  
***  
  
It was long after he and the scavenger girl had fought off Snoke’s Praetorian Guards that he found it.   
  
“The fleet!” The girl’s voice cut through to him almost like it was coming through a fog. “There’s still time to save the fleet!”  
  
Kylo did not quite listen to her. He was still observing the sliced open body of Supreme Leader Snoke — the former Supreme Leader Snoke, that is. Snoke had gone mad on the Dark Side the deeper he tapped into it...or had it been his true nature all along? Kylo didn’t know. He only knew that it would work _this_ time around. He wasn’t Snoke. He wasn’t Palpatine. Third time was a charm, wasn’t it? This time it would surely work.   
  
Time to finish what Snoke hadn’t, ultimately. Killing the past. Letting all prior notions of Light vs. Dark die there.   
  
“Ben?” The girl, saying his name. His old name. Like that was going to change his mind.   
  
“It’s time to let all things die,” Kylo finally said. “Snoke...Skywalker...the Rebels...the Jedi...let it all die. Rey,” he said, holding out his hand, and the image in his mind was too wonderful to possibly be real. Poe in his arms, Rey by his side. “I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy!”  
  
“Don’t do this, Ben.” She was crying now. Profoundly irritating. “Please don’t go this way.”  
  
“No...no...you’re still... _holding on!_ Let go!” A beat. “Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known? You’ve just had it locked away.” Silence. “Go on. Say it.”  
  
“They were nobody,” Rey said, and she was really crying now.   
  
“They were filthy junk traders who sold you for drinking money,” Kylo said. He could still remember the flashes over the Bond of Rey’s parents arguing, their words slurred with drink, as Rey huddled, shaking like a leaf in the corner. A grave marker in the Jakku desert. “They’re dead. In a pauper’s grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story. You come from nothing, you’re nothing...but not to me.” He stepped forward, held out his hand. “Join me. Please.”  
  
For a moment, as she reached out, he thought she would.   
  
But she didn’t. And when the ship split apart and darkness took Kylo, he couldn’t help but think that that was another friend-that-could-have-been, lost.


End file.
